Spud Gun Fun
by KittyBooPengy
Summary: Set during series 7, the episode with Thirteen's return. On the stopover before the competition, House and Thirteen get friendly... SMUT!


House knew he was a good looking man but he also knew he was punching above his weight when it came to Thirteen. Not that he had completed his task of getting her into bed or anything, but he was planning on it happening soon and he was counting his chickens before his proverbial eggs hatched. He was an eternal optimist that way.

"Seriously, if you start snoring I'm going to punch you." he told her blithely as she hung her jacket up in the wardrobe of the hotel room. She shot him a look with a hint of a smile and House chewed his lip thoughtfully. It was that hint of a smile that made him think he had a chance, she enjoyed his company, at least when he wasn't rooting around her personal life for a way to deconstruct her personality.

"If you were that worried why did you book one room?" she asked, sitting down heavily on her single bed so she faced him.

"Are you kidding?" he raised an eyebrow. "You're bound to want a shower, and I'm not missing out on that occasion."

Another look and another little smile from Thirteen. She shook her head but didn't bother to reply, she was so used to those sort of comments they didn't really register with her anymore, not just from House but from all men and most women who were that way inclined. She knew she was hot and she knew that it was only natural for people to hit on her, so she didn't take every comment seriously. Most people didn't even realise they were hitting on her, although she bet that House knew very well what he was saying and he enjoyed her total lack of discomfort.

"So I believe it's your turn to share?" she said instead, and she saw a little bit of the playfulness drop from House's face. His brilliant blue eyes seemed to dim a shade and he shrugged, turning away and lying back on his own bed.

"Yep, you know me, always willing to bare my soul." he muttered, and Thirteen was a little bit sad to see his mood change. Not that she wasn't used to it, he seemed so closed off to the others in the team, but she was realising that she could detect nuances in his mood and demeanour better than most.

"So I want to know," she paused, and huddled forward computationally. "Do you really expect to win the spud gun contest?"

House allowed a smile to play across his features, and he knew that he was a step closer to his mission. She wanted to keep playing, she didn't want him to get sad or taciturn, therefore she cared, and thus he had an angle to work with.

Later on, they found the hotel bar, which was a tiny little room with no one else around and a sleepy bartender who seemed more interested in watching a football game on his portable television than actually serving them. This didn't bother either Thirteen or House who were more than happy to serve themselves, throwing money into a dish at each round. Not necessarily the correct amount, but the mere sound of the coins seemed to keep the barman happy enough.

"Are you trying to get me drunk?" House asked after their fourth round of bourbon with a look of such solemnity that Thirteen's usual smile actually turned into a laugh.

"I doubt I'd have to get you drunk if I wanted you." she replied with another chuckle into her drink.

"If?" House countered smoothly, finishing off his glass and cocking an eyebrow. Thirteen rolled her eyes and shook her head.

"You're actually very confident, aren't you?" she narrowed her eyes and considered him across the little table where they sat. She could see it in his eyes that he knew the effect he could have on women when he wanted to.

"What, are cripples not allowed to be confident?" he asked, throwing back the remainder of his drink, and she felt herself flush a little bit.

"Yep, that's exactly what I meant." she poured on the sarcasm and reached for his empty glass. "One for the road?"

House inclined his head and sat back to watch her walk to the bar. Her body really was perfect, just the right amount of petite and curves. She walked back with her eyes on the floor and he realised that she was walking with a swing in her hips. Body language wasn't that hard to decode - she was flirting.

Thirteen set down the two glasses of amber liquid and sat back with a flick of her long brown hair. House took and initial sip and swallowed.

"You're actually very confident, aren't you?" he smiled.

An hour or two later they returned to their room and he had another go at the mystery of her conviction and offence.

"You bored someone to death."

Thirteen rounded on him and narrowed her eyes. "And where do the drugs come into this?"

House shrugged and flopped down on his bed before deciding to shuffle out of his jacket. "I don't care, it just seems plausible after spending more time with you."

She threw her own jacket over at him. "No it doesn't." she argued, and she swore she actually heard him chuckle as he shoved the coat onto the floor and raised himself up a bit in the bed.

"Prove me wrong?" he purred, and Thirteen came to stand at the foot of the bed and consider the man in front of her. He had every right to be confident, he was extremely good looking, but it wasn't purely physical the reason she was attracted to him. His mind was unbelievable. His personality left a lot to be desired, but she liked it, she liked that he was non-conformist and she liked that he didn't give a shit about other people. It was how she wanted to present herself to others.

"The amount of smugness already radiating out of you isn't tempting." she told him in a little whisper, and House closed his eyes, a deceptive look of peace on his rugged features.

"I have every right to be smug," he answered in a matter-of-fact tone. "You're more attractive than me so this is a coup."

"What is a coup?" she asked, hands on hips now.

"The fact that you want me is a coup." House said, now opening his brilliant blue eyes and fixing her with a look which dared her to lie and say that she didn't. Thirteen gulped a little and wondered how to end the standoff, when House decided to end it for her.

He leant forward, placed his arms around her waist, and with the tiniest of tugs guided her to sit on the bed between his legs. They stared at each other intensely before House leaned in for a deliciously gentle kiss, slipping his tongue into her mouth tentatively in such a way that Thirteen felt a little bit of her melt.

She reached up and ran her hands through his hair, pressing herself forward against him and shuddering as he walked his fingertips up her back.

They pulled apart suddenly and House's blue eyes blazed into her own. They were both breathing heavily, and Thirteen realised he was giving her a chance to stop before things got heavy, which she found oddly gentlemanly. For a man who slept with hookers he was actually quite considerate. She smiled and pulled her t-shirt up over her head, slinging it into a corner of the room and turning so she was more face on. House grinned and pulled her forwards again, actually ignoring her breasts even though they were a bra away from being exposed. Thirteen wriggled about in his grip, trying to get him to touch them, and every time he wriggled the other way, all the while kissing her with little licks and nibbles.

"Tease." she breathed, and only then did he reach up and unhook her bra. He pulled it off in one fluid movement and bent his head to kiss her neck while his hands began exploring her soft breasts and pert pink nipples.

Thirteen was making little noises of encouragement and pleasure and she felt House smile against her breast where he had made his way down. She began unbuttoning his shirt and pushed it back against his shoulders. He didn't have the body of an Adonis but he was certainly in shape, she raked her nails down his chest and he grunted in approval. He swung his leg round now there had been an unspoken agreement to get a little heavier and lay her down so Thirteen was now lay beneath him.

He resumed his ministrations on her breasts with more vigour, this time biting and sucking so she just had that perfect mix of pain, and meanwhile one hand went up into her hair and the other travelled south to unbutton her jeans.

She helped him by wiggling out of her pants and then when he was lay on top of her, stroking the skin of her innermost thighs, Thirteen had a sudden panic. This was House. How long before he told everyone every detail of this? He noticed the look in her wide eyes and frowned a little as he slipped his hand into her knickers.

She reared up and grabbed his shoulders as he touched her clitoris with an expert touch. They stared at each other as he began working his hand, bringing her with almost extreme swiftness to orgasm. She closed her eyes afterwards and slumped forwards against his chest breathing heavily and with a thin sheen of sweat on her skin.

"Are you going to say stop now?" House whispered into her ear, and Thirteen laughed. He had a hell of a way to make her forget her concerns.

Thirteen pushed House back so now she lay on top of him, and he raised an eyebrow.

"My turn?" he asked, and Thirteen nodded her head silently before grabbing him round the middle while she kissed him passionately. She reached down the unzip his jeans, and brushed his hardness, making him shudder briefly. It was only when she started to tug them down that he stopped her with one very strong hand, and she realised that he didn't want her seeing his leg. She shrugged and just pulled them down enough to get good access to his penis.

House immediately relaxed and threw his hands back behind his head.

"Enjoy." he smiled, and Thirteen chuckled at his confidence. She felt that there was a good reason for it as she delved into his boxer shorts. She ducked down and wrapped her mouth around his hard penis, leaving one hand free to reach down and stroke his scrotum. He made a little squeak of pleasure and thrust upwards into her mouth. She pushed down on his hips to keep him in place and worked her magic. She felt him coming to the brink soon enough, and she had to decide if she wanted to actually have sex with him or let him cum now.

House made the decision for her by pulling back on her hair and forcing her to stop before he orgasmed. Thirteen licked her lips and gave a playful yelp as he lifted her up and forced her to straddle him. They stared into each others eyes as she lowered herself down onto his length, and both let out involuntary noises of pleasure when he was in up to the hilt.

She began moving slowly and methodically while he reached down and stroked her exposed vagina, bringing her all too quickly back to the brink. She came with a shout and he followed soon after with a grunt and a shiver. Thirteen fell down on top of him and they both lay still, panting, until she realised he was asleep. She picked herself up and gave him a quick peck on the cheek before crawling into her own bed with a satisfied smile.

**************************************************************************************In the morning there was no awkwardness. They dressed and showered, and Thirteen realised that he wasn't going to be hassling her for more. They both knew that this wasn't anything serious and wasn't going to be repeated all too often. They set off to the spud gun competition in affable silence…


End file.
